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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Seriously, what the fuck

The murder of a young woman. Not having change for a toll booth.

In the mind of Liz Jones, journalist extraordinaire for the Daily Mail, these two things seem equally as significant.

A few weeks ago, the body of a young woman named Jo Yeates was found just outside Bristol. CCTV evidence pieced together her last movements through Bristol, and her final purchases. A journalist for the Daily Mail took it upon herself to trace Jo's ultimate journey and provide insight, emotion and poignancy in the form of a newspaper column.

In fact, what she did, was commit the single most egregiously awful, unintentionally funny opinion piece in 21st century media.

I'll let you judge for yourselves:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1347621/Joanna-Yeates-murder-Becoming-just-thumbnail-police-website.html

As a counterpoint, I'd advise you to read this excellent homage to Ms Jones at the Daily Mash:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/opinion/columnists/is-lovely-liz-becoming-just-another-thumbnail-on-the-daily-mail-website?-201101173437/

Just to extract a minuscule sentence from the original (serious) article:

"I almost buy that upmarket pizza; the choice tells me Jo wanted a lovely life, something above the ordinary."

I know someone's died here, but for fuck's sake, extrapolating pizza preference into life aspirations is a fairly bold leap. Personally, I buy 'Cravendale PurFiltr Milk'. Does that mean I yearn for the day mankind can set aside its petty differences and have a big old game of Trivial Pursuit together? Does it fuck.

Further on in the article, our protagonist Liz describes her horror at being unable to cross the Clifton Suspension Bridge due to lacking funds. As a regular traveller through the Wallasey tunnel (£1.40 since you ask), and having experienced the beeping vitriol that gushes forth once people realise you haven't got the means to cross the toll booth, I can honestly say that the murder of a young landscape architect and temporarily inconveniencing a number of drivers through neglecting to carry enough cash to pass by a toll road are TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FUCKING THINGS.

Christ on a bike.

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